Author Topic: Welcome to the United Cherochuckle Nation of Pleia  (Read 5003 times)

Welcome to the United Cherochuckle Nation of Pleia
« on: July 22, 2006, 03:56:31 am »
Someone sent me this.  I just had to share it.  You can delete it when you've read it.

William

Welcome to the United Cherochuckle Nation of Pleiades Wolf Howling Sleeping Deer, Tennessee.
 
Why wade through all that bothersome government paperwork when you can become a notarized, card carrying Indian RIGHT NOW for just pennies a day?
When you join the Eastern Ensemble of the Cherochuckle Nation you get:

A 3 x 2 Tribal Enrollment Card coated with genuine laminate!
A 8 x 10 signed Certificate of Membership proclaiming your Indianess, suitable for framing and hanging directly inside your front door so it's the very first thing visitors see!
A real tin type photo of an old Indian woman you can pass off as your Cherochuckle grandmother who was a princess.
You will have the right to attend all Cherochuckle Nation Functions, Events and Lodges [for a nominal additional fee which varies according to activity]

**PLEASE NOTE** We here at the Cherochuckle Nation do not have a "Sweat Lodge" per say ... we prefer to play in the "Perspiration Palace"

We feel quite justified in changing this ancient tradition because ...well ... "sweat" is such an icky word.
As Nanny always used to say "Animals sweat, Gentlemen perspire, Ladies glow" ...
This is why we chose to call our Lodge "The Perspiration Palace" .. except every other Tuesday when we host an all Ladies "Glow Hut"
 
Don’t forget to put on your fake feathers and polyester/cotton blend regalia that looks just like real deerskin.  Make sure you have plenty of plastic beads and such.  You’ll want to be able to do the two-step stomp twist at the competition during our Hownow.
We decided to change it from powwow to Hownow, so that those who don’t know how, will know how now.  
 
Ladies, grab up your little plastic drums with the rubber tops.  You’ll have a time pounding on those and singing those drudging little hownow songs that sound worse than an off-key Gregorian chant.
 
Oh, and don’t forget.  You can even join our medicine lodge, Rainbow firestar crystal reike healing center. It’s situated in a real, honest to good Cherokee Indian teepee made of the finest plastic from China with strong sturdy plastic poles.  Shaman white wolf bear running water rainbow star warrior will give you hot cups of donkey urine to cure all your ills.  (Don't forget guys, just rub a little of this on your head and it will cure baldness.  Ladies, it's wonderful for your complection.  Not only that, but it is a great stimulant).  
 
It includes a time by the electric bulb campfire where you will hear many of the traditional stories twisted to suit you by our favorite chosen and honored keeper of stories, Bluecatwithjellyknees.  He’ll regail you with all the stolen cultural stories we’ve managed to appropriate and get out here for your enjoyment.  
 
Last and not least, we will take you out into the local town park and leave you there with only a table knife and bottle of water for several days.  Do not wander far, you might get too lost for us to retrieve since your skills are a bit lacking.  Also the locals are a bit wild and could do anything when they see you out there like that.

Now what would you expect to pay for this plethora of predacious Cherochuckle chicanery? Not $49.95 ... Not $39.95 .... Not $29.95 Nooooooo ..... You get all this for the incredibly low price of only $19.95 a month.  

But Wait!!! There's More!!

Enroll today and get a FREE Traditional Cherochuckle Testimonial Pipe painstakingly crafted from the very core of the Maize Plant (while supplies last).  You will be given the Sacred Cherochuckle pipe ceremony written on the best cheapest parchment-looking paper written in real berry juice.  (Sorry, there might be a few fly droppings or roach doos here and there.  They were attracted by the berry juice).

Come one, come all and join us and become a real Cherochuckle.
******************************
Great Grandmother Aurora Borealis Lightning Storm with Chance of Showers Medicine Turkey Gobble  and  
Principle Princess of the Eastern Ensemble of the Cherochuckle Nation, Shewhobentovertoofar and fellintothehorsemanure (Federal Recognition Pending)
Puerile Elder and Supreme Chief of the Cosmic Soaring Squirrel Clan, Whitewalkingeaglewithhishead stuckupadonkey’s …. ;D
Don’t forget, we require a copy of your birth certificate, a copy of your marriage license, a copy of your passport, a copy of your social security card, a copy of your house deed, a copy of your car title and most importantly we need to know the last time you had a bowel movement.  
 
Most important of all, do not forget, we take cash, check, money order and especially  Mastercard, Visa, Discover, American Express or any credit card you might have in your wallet.  We need those numbers.  
All this information will be stored privately in our little cardboard box at the local bar.
 
And don't forget to buy one of our wonderful native crafts at the hownow's booths.  They come handmade from our clan brothers belonging to the "made in China" clan and "made in Taiwan" clans.  There's nothing more authentic than owning one of these great native crafts.  
 
Don't forget to buy your little fellows the plastic bows and arrows.  Your little gals will just love the plastic Poca—hunt—as doll with features that fade within a few days and wearing authentic paper regalia.  She even comes with a paper knife and certificate of authenticity.  
 
;D
William Graywolf