Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary

[Barnaby_McEwan]

Following on from Annika's suggestions:

Nuagespeak: 'Me'.
Plain English: the centre of the universe.

Nuagespeak: 'Respect'.
Plain English: this word has two meanings in Nuagespeak.
      1. Idealising Indians and other 'primitive' people, which as Alice Beck Kehoe points out , "... is no less dehumanizing and disrespectful than demonizing them as bloodthirsty savages' (Kehoe, 'Shamans and Religion', p. 102. See 'Shamanic Journey' for full citation).
      2. Subservient, non-critical attitude to nuagers' appropriation of Indian spiritual practices. For example: 'I had hoped we could have a respectful conversation.'
This means: 'You disagreed with me and I cannot tolerate that. I will remain in this huffy state until you back down. If you continue to disagree with me I will throw an almighty hissy-fit.'

[vikinglady]

*Exactly* what I tried to say....:D

THANKS, Barnaby!  

Annika

[JosephSWM]

"All My Relations". You can hear nuagers yell this at times. It means "Let me out of here, its too hot" and the reply should be "Hey, I haven't even poured the water yet".

[Barnaby_McEwan]

Nuagespeak: 'Non-Ordinary reality'. Term coined by Michael Harner, anthropologist turned snake-oil salesman, for the world of spirits that students of his 'core shamanism' suppposedly learn to travel in.

Plain English: A spiritual version of Disneyland: expensive, cheesy, populated by cartoon creatures (see 'Power Animal'). Unlike at the real Disneyland, the men who conduct tourists around the Non-Ordinary reality are allowed facial hair.

[educatedindian]

Thanks everyone. I'll be sure to send around an email with a full list for everyone who contributed, or just wants one.

And they just keep on coming:

"Adopted Lakota???- 1) A Nuage leader claiming to be a shaman and selling dubious ceremonies for profit because he saw a sweatlodge once, or briefly spoke to an actual Lakota elder who felt sorry for him being so spiritually lost. 2) A person who repays the kindness of an actual Lakota elder who felt sorry for them being so spiritually lost by claiming to be a shaman and selling dubious ceremonies for profit.
Note: May soon outnumber actual Lakotas.

"Spiritual Tourism???- When Nuagers travel to Latin America to pay large sums of cash for dubious ceremonies because: A) They've seen American Indians do things like drive cars and use computers, and they want a fantasy of Indians as still living in the past. B) Native protests of pseudo-shamans in the US spoil the fantasy for them. C) They know even less about Latin American Indians than they do about the ones at home, so nonsense like "Four Agreements??? or "Cosmic Convergence??? seems believable to them. D) They are unable to tell the difference between a mestizo and an Indian. Or E) All of the above.

[vikinglady]

I just remembered the comments I usually get when I am out talking to Nuagers. Some of the most common ones are:

Before the lecture (and this happens eeeevery time!)
"There is an Indian standing next to you/behind you" (Could I pleaseeee have a Samiii - just once?!)
Meaning: You might know a lot about Ndn:s but I am much more spiritual than you because I see things!

After the lecture:
"The Indian is gone!"
Meaning: You scared him off by what you said.
Real meaning: What you said sucks, but I am too much of a coward to take that discussion with you, so I might make you shut up by telling you  that the spirits are angry!

"You must have been to the wrong tribe!"
(There are good and bad tribes....)

"Maybe you haven´t met a *real* Indian!"
Real Indian = Native person who exploits Nuagers by exploiting his culture.

"How can you say that Ndn:s don´t have shamans when my medium/shaman told me I was the head shaman in my past lives?"
Meaning: Not only am I the centre of universe in *this* life - I was also the centre in all my *past* lives!

"I want to marry an Indian - do you know of anyone?"
Meaning: I desperately need to boost my ego by using another person as merchandise or as an object to show off to my friends.

"I want to have a child with an Indian, he doesn´t have to stick around because the welfare will take care of us...!"  Meaning: I want to use my child as an object.

"Don´t they want us to be happy??"
Meaning: Happiness = being able to steal, violate, appropriate and damage sacred objects and rituals without anyone telling me off.

"Why do they want to keep everything to themselves?"
Meaning: We have taken almost everything they had in the past, why can´t we take the rest??

"They have the knowledge to save us, then why don´t they share?"
Meaning 1) All Ndn:s have some kind of secret formula that they are hiding from us.  2) If I get the "secret formula" I can use it myself and become rich and famous.


Go ahead, Barnaby - you can make this twice as funny....:)

Annika

[Barnaby_McEwan]

Go ahead, Barnaby - you can make this twice as funny....:)

I don't think anyone could make 'The Indian is gone!' any funnier. Now you know what to expect, Al.

[Barnaby_McEwan]

Nuagespeak: 'Love'.
In the simplistic psychology of the new age, there are only two emotions: love and fear (see below). It's very important for newagers to maintain at all times the perception that their actions are motivated by 'love' - usually 'unconditional love for all beings'. Their often-egregious failure to live up to these lofty heights never prevents them from demanding that critics show them unconditional love.

Nuagespeak: 'Fear'.
Generally, any speech or action which causes a newager to feel fear (of ridicule, say) will be attributed to fear in the person speaking or acting. For example, 'You're just acting out of fear-consciousness!' means 'Shitshitshithohshit they're on to me!'

[180IQ]

Barnaby, please check your private forum message box.

Thanks!

[educatedindian]

From someone on the Freedom of Mind list. An  ex-Scientologist who saw a lot in coomon between Nuagespeak and Scientologyspeak:

-----

Here is a website that has some
Scientology redefinitions of words, along those same lines:

http://www.antisectes.net/funny-defs.htm

And here's another one I've encountered in discussions with nuagers:

Verbal abuse: Any challenge, questioning, or criticism to what someone has alleged. No matter how tactfully and politely it was made, any criticism always gets taken personally by these ultra
sensitive souls.

And a phrase that's become very popular on internet discussions: "You're suppressing my freedom of speech. I have the right to my
beliefs. People are afraid to post here because of you." [said by the nuager or alt med proponent whenever their claims get challenged or
any less than favorable response is made to their postings, implying that the challenge/disagreement is somehow interfering with the nuager's "rights" to free speech. Debate is a very frightening thing
to these sensitive souls.]

Another popular phrase: "You must be working for the drug companies [or big pharma]" in
response to any challenge that is made to claims being made by altmed proponents about their "natural" products. This one might have
started with the Scientologists, but has quickly spread to the altmed community as a whole.

[Barnaby_McEwan]

"How to talk New Age"

http://www.well.com/user/mick/newagept.html

SHIRLEY MACLAINE is a New Age Person. Shirley discovered that there are other realities. In one of these realities she is a teacher who fills huge auditoriums with people willing to pay much money to learn how to become a New Age Person.
In that same reality she also sells New Age Books, sells New Age TV programs, and has a center where she can sell New Age courses.
Shirley thinks reality is pretty neat. At least the one she's in.
Yours may be different.

[Barnaby_McEwan]

Newagespeak: 'Warm regards'

Plain English: 'F*** you!'

Often used by exploiters when signing emails.

[Cetan]

"love offering" - nuage for I am charging for this and you had better not question it

[Kevin]

-what an awesome display of talent and creativity! - absolutely hilarious!

[Spaewife]

donations to leader, workshop, teacher, guru...etc...

Yes you are donating but we will set the price that has to be donated so you don't have to hurt your brain about what is enough or not enough or whether its, a actual donation or if we are just scamming you.  And we can tell te irs it was a gift rather than having to declare it as income. 

Balance
To stay perfectly balanced means you don't get angry or sad or happy or joyful.   We just aren't going to tell you that to be perfectly balanced you have to be dead, so we can keep bringing you back for conditioning to  help you with your balance problems and keep your checking or bank acct in our pocket.