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Frequently Asked Questions (and Creative Answers)

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By creative I mean answers that will knock people off their high horse, their too-serious Im-so-spirchul pose.

Talking about this with Dionysus of AGIM (activist group in Germany) last night. They get requests for Indin spirchul guidance all the time, and have a stock answer that they just dont deal with spirituality, didnt even want to confront the issue until recnetly because many of their subscribers probably go to sweatlodge sellers and other like types. So he asked me for a set of answers to FAQs they get, and it would have a lot more impact coming from NDNs than from them.

I told him that debating these issues often legitimizes the goofy beliefs, makes the believer think they are worthy of serious consideration. Usually quick kinda humorous answers deflate Nuage followers better than a long serious (even if true, factual, and even extremely well written) answer.

My own example I used in every speech in Europe:

Sorry if any of you think you were an Indian in a past life. You have us confused with the OTHER Indians, the ones from India, Hindus.
(Laughs from crowd, Nuage followers look at floor and wish they could melt into it.)

So let´s hear your best answers to FAQs, and let people here get in touch with their inner wiseass. This will be in the book, and anyone contributing will get credit just like with the dictionary.

I don't really like this one but it was the first thing that came to mind:

Q: But if it feels so good, how can it be wrong?

A: Remember what Susan Atkins told the grand jury about how it felt to stab Sharon Tate?

This was from a non-Indian friend of mine. A guy at work told him jois great great grandmother was a Cherokee Princess. Don saud "Really? YOU TOO?? My great great grandfather was a Cherokee Princess TOO!!" Then he walked away.;)

This one won Annika's "pewter viking" award for the best response to "I think I must have been an Indian in a past life." :

"Wow, you must have really been a bad one, to have to come back like this."

A couple more I used speaking in Europe:

Nuager: But I can be an Indian if I want. You can be anything if you really want it bad enough.

Me: Nope, sorry. I may want to be married to Jennifer Lopez REALLY BADLY but it just aint gonna happen, trust me!

Nuager: But I as a German should be able to use the sweatlodge. I went to another German who'd been trained by an American. I've had 14 sweatlodges.

Me: So how's your Lakota? Because unless he did the ceremony in a Native language, you didnt go to a real sweatlodge. You just sweated your behind off.

#3 To an actual question
German Kid: Do they have children in your tribe?
Me: Yes. I used to be a child myself. I wasnt born this big. That woulda hurt my mom a lot!

#4 Also to actual question
German kid: So are there places we can go to watch Indians who are dressed like real Indians?
Me: You're watching an Indian whose dressed like a real Indian right now.


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