Hi there,
I have been reading quite a bit around here and I find many of the regular posters around here extremely insightful so I thought I would join and discuss my history briefly and seek a bit of advice. I am a white male that comes from a suburban world. I did not grow up with nearly any exposure to native culture. When I reached adult years it became apparent to me that I was deliberately educated in a manner that left me relatively clueless about living a sustainable or ecologically responsible life, and I decided I would head off to educate myself in that way. Along the path I ran into native ceremonial ways (I was not seeking them, in fact, I barely new anything of them) and I was invited to come around on occasion. Over the first little while, I was extremely naive, but I was quiet and paid attention and I think as a result the people I was around took a liking towards me. It was made clear that there were certain things within there culture that were meant to be shared with everyone and other things that were not, and it never offended me that these things were none of my business. I had some exposure to the New Age world, but my previous exposure to what I still to this day perceive as genuine ways allowed me to see right through that, and I was never really derailed by any of it. Over time, spending time with these people, it all became very real to me, teaching me things about how a community can take care of one another in a way that I had no exposure to in my childhood. I never created an identity around any of this or spoke much of it to the outer world, it was just a way I could take care of myself, my loved ones, and my relationship to creation. I was often invited back for certain things and would look forward to attending. Occasionally there were things happening that I would hear about that I was not welcomed for and that was okay too.
I only bring all of this background up to express a feeling that I often have and the perdicament that it creates for me. Many times attending these ceremonies there are people present that have a very difficult time with my being there, and I am no longer naive enough not to see this. I often feel really guilty about making somebody feel like that, somebody who should not have to feel that way. Many times I have brought this up to elders who have been very inclusive to me, and they often tell me that I shouldn't feel bad about it, and that it is a good thing for the people to go through. On the one hand, I have seen this come true, as some of the people who had a hard time with me to begin with, will open up and become my friend over time. The truth is though that I don't want to make people feel this way, and I have a very difficult time continually being present if that is how it is received by others. I feel like I do understand WHY it feels that way, and I certainly am not one to claim that they shouldn't have that issue. I am only saying that I witness the issue, and wish I was not creating it. I in no way, shape, or form, think I am NDN or mean to act NDN or try to take on any identity as NDN, nothing like that, I am just another white guy who stumbled into this. I am not trying to take anything from them. My primary confusion comes from the fact that it is often the elders, or even ceremonial leaders that encourage me to take part, while many of the others (particularly the younger crowd) has a harder time. I have been present when other New Age types have come through and behaved in a quite offensive manner, and I have been aware of the impact that they have had on the NDN's that were present. When I see this it makes me even feel worse about it all, and want to distance myself further. Anyway, I guess I am curious as to the perspective of many of the regulars around here...what do you think about all this? Is there a healthy way for white people to participate in certain ceremonial ways (with the understanding that there are other things that they are not welcomed to)?
