antiunilateral43, by publicly disclosing here your own traumatic past, you are potentially making yourself vulnerable to anyone who will tell you want to hear, to abusers who know how to groom needy people. If someone tells you that they recognize your spiritual nature, that they know your spiritual family, and that they can teach you NDN ways - will you fall for that? Or will you be able to practice discernment and healthy judgement so that you can steer clear of frauds?
Also, the members here should not have to apologize for speaking to you plainly, we should not feel that we have to be sensitive to you because you have had a difficult past. And we should not have to do your genealogy for you.
A grandmother who said some things, visions, a few words - this does not make you NDN.
You can have your genealogy professionally done, or learn to do it yourself. This means documenting each step of the way. This does not mean being led by assumptions and wishes. You may or may not have distant heritage. You can find out for sure.
If you have distant heritage, you can find ideas already posted here on the forum for folks in that situation.
Do this first, you might not even have distant heritage.
I understand how it can feel to have had a rough childhood, I understand how it feels to yearn for connection and family. I also know that presenting our own vulnerabilities to people we do not know online is not a good idea. Ultimately, we can not help you. Earth has already done quite a bit, I don't know if you are hearing her.
Do your genealogy, then if you want, read up on the history of the area where your people come from. You have a lot of work to do. Enjoy the adventure, it may take you to unexpected places and realizations.
