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Odds and Ends => Comedy Channel => Topic started by: educatedindian on March 22, 2005, 10:11:57 pm

Title: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on March 22, 2005, 10:11:57 pm
Add your suggegtions everyone. And you'll received credit for anything that winds up in the book.

Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary (Including Spelling Dictionary)

“Give???- 1) Using force, theft, or threats. 2) Receiving stolen goods.
As in, “The Lakota people gave us the sweat lodge for all to use,??? when they really mean, “Our white shaman pipe carrier told us not to listen to Native protests, and if you don’t shut up we’ll sue you to try and silence you!???

“Harmony???- 1) Mindless unquestioning obedience. 2) Censorship, a refusal to allow any questions which are not sufficiently brownnosing enough.
As in, “We must keep good group harmony,??? when they really mean, “Don’t you dare point out our blond blue-eyed white woman from New Jersey is not a reincarnated Cherokee Mayan crystal skull caretaker like she claims!???

“Hate???-Criticism or disagreement.
A typical exchange:
Native: “I don’t think it’s right for you to exploit our beliefs. Our ways are not for sale.???
Nuager (fumes and foams at the mouth, cannot think or gets words out, then finally explodes): “YOU ARE JUST FULL OF HATE YOU RED NAZI SAVAGE! Why don‘t you want to share this with us?! You should just evolve, adapt your primitive ways, help us save the planet, help us promote harmony and understanding, etc. OTHERWISE YOU‘RE JUST FULL OF HATE!???

“Pathetic???-See “Unhappy.???

“Racist???-Anyone who disagrees with Nuage exploitation of Natives. Said most often and most fervently by those who have never experienced actual racism.

“Shaman???- 1) Anyone who sets themselves up as a dispenser of allegedly sacred ceremonies for profit to a clueless upper middle class white suburbanite market. Usually trained in a “lengthy??? or “advanced??? weekend seminar by a similar dispenser of allegedly sacred ceremonies for profit. 2) An attempt to claim that indigenous healers who train for decades to selflessly serve their own communities are somehow the same as dispensers of dubious ceremonies for profit to clueless upper middle class white suburbanites.

“Sharing“-Stealing, taking, or theft.
As in, “We are sharing these wonderful Native ceremonies,??? when they actually mean, “We have taken these ceremonies without asking Native people’s permission and in spite of repeated requests to stop, and we are so self involved, we would not stop no matter what anyone says.???

“Unhappy???-A claim that is a favorite personal attack tactic of Nuagers, based on the flimsiest attempts at pop psychology diagnosis, used against any critic of Nuage, and often projecting their own inner turmoil onto the critic.
As in, “You must be a very pathetic, unhappy individual to criticize my shamanistic pipe keeper Chief Silly Name. Before I met him I was alcoholic and suicidal because I found out I was dying from cancer.???

Spelling Dictionary
Most of these Nuage “creative spellings??? are attempts to sound or appear more authentic by appealing to stereotypes of Natives as mysterious or archaic.
Aztekah- Aztec, Azteca, or Mexican
Inka- Inca
Mexikah- Mexica, Mexican, or Aztec
Tsalagi-Cherokee (OK, here’s where I’d like some Cherokee input about how Nuagers use Tsalagi instead of Cherokee.)
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: JosephSWM on March 23, 2005, 03:06:37 am
Ah Cherokee input. Now Vance you correct me if I am wrong. A dead giveaway for a name a person has chosen for themselves is, well let me use an example. "Little Wolf". Usid is 'little' in Cherokee, wayha is 'wolf'. If I see Usdi Wayha I figure they gave themselves the name. The descriptive comes after the noun and the name should really be Wayha Usdi.

I hear nuagers say I am ani-tsalagi. If I am not mistaken that would actually mean I am the Cherokee people. But you know we never called ourselves Tsalagi anyway.

I know am I am straying off the topic but I like all the various ways of pronouncing hello in Cherokee that they come up with. Oh-say-you, Oh shee, yo, Oh show, say-yo.

Another side note, when I hear nuagers that claim to be Cherokee they talk in, I think its the thrid person. Instead of saying "My people use to do this or that..." they say "The Cherokee people use to do this or that..."

And someone using the porper name "Aniyuwiya" does not mean a thing since Diane Fisher did her homewrok well enough to know that one.

I will think some more Al, but I bet Vance will have some input.

Joseph
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: JosephSWM on March 23, 2005, 03:11:02 am
Here are some other words that I love. 'matrix' as in energy matrix and energy grids etc. "Past Life Regression" as in I was an Indian in a past life so I have the right to steal your ways or there are not enough Indians for all the spirits of Indians to come back into so they are coming back into white bodies this time around.

Joseph
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 23, 2005, 04:55:38 pm
Quote
Here are some other words that I love. 'matrix' as in energy matrix and energy grids etc.


How about this for 'energy'?

Energy: subjective feeling or perception mistaken for external force or principle eg 'Mmmm, yeah, there were some really good energies in the sweatlodge last night.'

'This chunk of quartz I paid two hundred dollars for channels extremely powerful energies from the star-beings.'

Often said to critics: 'I'm feeling some really dark energies from you!' (That is, 'You popped my bliss-bubble! Oh no, painful reality is intruding! Ouch! Help!')

Another newage usage: 'Money's just an energy'. (That is, 'I want your money').

Note: when used by newagers, 'energy' is the least favourite word of British actor/playright/comedian/novelist/national treasure Stephen Fry:

Q: You have a great command of language, but which are your least favourite words and why?

A: 'Hopefully' and 'disinterested' are nearly always used wrongly and, although it's silly to be pedantic, it annoys me. But the worst is 'energy' when used in a meaningless, new-age sort of way, as in 'positive energy' and all that arse-wallop.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/norfolk/features/stephen_fry_questions.shtml
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 24, 2005, 09:40:39 am
Nuagespeak: 'The Universe will provide'. Often intoned piously by hopelessly deluded nuager unable to afford spiralling dope habit (see 'Teaching Plants').

Plain English: someone else will provide.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 24, 2005, 09:52:24 am
Positive/negative.

Anything that helps a newager feel better about her/himself is thought of as positive. Therefore books, 'workshops' and so on which confirm a newager's beliefs about the world and her/his place in it are categorised as 'positive' experiences.

Conversely, anything which makes a newager feel uncomfortable, such as the presence of people who are able to think rationally, is thought of as negative. This is a favourite rhetorical device of the newager when replying to critics: 'You're being really negative!'
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 24, 2005, 05:44:20 pm
Nuagespeak: 'shamanic'.
Plain English; 'spiritual' (in the way that the Beatles were spiritual, not the way that Augustine of Hippo was spiritual).

Common new age usage: 'shamanic journey'.
Plain English: '... a trip to a great Non Ordinary Mall filled with spirits as eager as salesclerks to assist allcomers.' (Kehoe, Alice Beck. Shamans and Religion: An Anthropological Exercise in Critical Thinking. Prospect Heights, Illinois: Waveland Press. 2000. ISBN: 1-57766-162-1. p. 87)

Nuagespeak: 'workshop'.
Plain English: a semi-formal seminar or tutorial where nuagers exchange money for the chance to feel 'spiritual'. Borrowed from the acting profession: nothing at all to do with producing useful material goods. Anthropologist Galina Lindquist described a shamanism workshop thus:

'...an exercise in virtual reality like a number of similar others in the post-modern world. Notable examples are Internet dating, Dungeons-and-Dragons role playing, Living History performances, and psychotherapeutic seances, to name just a few.' (Lindquist, Galina. Shamanic Performances on the Urban Scene; Neo-Shamanism in Contemporary Sweden. Stockholm: Stockholm (University) Studies in Social Anthropology, 39. 1997. ISBN 91-7153-691-4. p. 121)

Nuagespeak: 'teaching plants'.
Plain English: drugs, especially marijuana, peyote and hallucinogenic mushrooms.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on March 24, 2005, 07:00:13 pm
You beat me to a couple of em Barnaby. Here's my newest ones.

“Being Positive???- 1) Living in a state of willful blindness or delusion. 2) Censorship of all criticism which is contrary to living in a state of willful blindness or delusion.
As in, “You are not letting our online ’tribe’ be positive when you point out Robert Ghostwolf is a convicted con man from New Jersey, not an Indian. So we‘re kicking you out and censoring everything you wrote.???

“Earth Astrology???- Believing that a faux system with stereotyped “Indian names??? for months is somehow Native, and not European with pseudo-Native names tacked on.  

“Elder???- 1) Anyone old who will indulge the fantasies of clueless upper middle class white suburbanites for profit. 2) Confusing “elder??? with “elderly.???

“Evolved???- The racist claim of Nuagers that their haphazard collection of bits and pieces of indigenous beliefs mixed with “Noble Savage??? stereotypes are somehow a “more advanced??? version of Native spirituality.

“Judging???-Using common sense, reasoning, or facts. Meant as an insult or putdown to imply thinking is something that only mean spirited people do, or used to defend their own ignorance and gullibility.
As in, “I don’t judge like you do,??? meaning, “I don’t use common sense, reasoning, or facts, that‘s something only mean people do.??? Or as in, “Don’t you dare judge me because I believe Atlantis, UFOs, and the Bulgarian Dance of Life are really Cherokee traditions!???

“Power Animal???- The Nuage version of an imaginary friend. Misunderstanding Native beliefs in animal spirits as guides, Nuagers diminish the practice into silly fantasy role-playing. Naturally Nuagers never choose insect, small animals, or non-cute animals, and even will choose non-existent animals such as dragons or unicorns.

“Rainbow Prophecies??? or “Rainbow Ways“- Assimilation of Native cultures, people, and spirituality into white/Anglo/western society disguised as diversity or tolerance.

“Totem???- See “Power Animal.??? Actual Native totems can be either tattoos or the famous totem poles of Northwest Coast cultures.

“Tribe???- 1) A Nuage cult gathered around a domineering leader whose main concerns are power and profit. 2) A loose gathering of unrelated Nuagers, pagans, or wannabes with no common  descent, heritage, or sacred homelands who kid themselves that wanting to be a tribe somehow makes you a tribe.

“Warrior???-  A clueless Castaneda cult member who does Tai Chi exercises with pseudo-Mayan names.

“Way of a Warrior“- Believing that being a clueless Castaneda cult member doing Tai Chi exercises with pseudo-Mayan names somehow makes you a “warrior.???
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: debbieredbear on March 24, 2005, 11:10:25 pm
You guys crack me up. Did I mention that my Power Animal is the Pomeranian?
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: TrishaRoseJacobs on March 25, 2005, 07:05:54 am
Here's one I'm tired of hearing -

"Cherokee Princes" 1) a fictatous woman used often by New Agers and other racists to justify their demands. As in "My great great grandpa was a Cherokee Pincess so I have the right to say and take whatever I want."
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: JosephSWM on March 25, 2005, 11:27:46 am
Here's a good comeback line to the Cherokee princess statement. "We have a Cherokee princess in the family too but we don't like to talk about him".

Joseph
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: TrishaRoseJacobs on March 25, 2005, 12:47:06 pm
lmao

:D
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: vikinglady on March 25, 2005, 01:09:56 pm
The word "respect" should be on the list.
(I don´t know all the fancy English words, so you´ll have to rephrase it...:)  )

"We have to show eachother respect, after all, we´re one big family - Mitakuye Oyasin"
Meaning: "All yours is mine!" (Usually doesn´t work the other way round)

"Energy" - which you´ve already mentioned - is definitely number one over here! Could also be used as a defense: "There were really bad energies yesterday!"
Meaning: "I am totally NOT responsible for anything I do or say!"

The number one reply if you try to tell them off : "But it feels good for ME!"
Meaning: ...and I don´t care a damn how it feels for you/for Natives.

Suggestions for a follow-up book: comments you hear when selling craft!  Especially on the topic: "How to empty a dreamcatcher!" (They do get full - did you know?
Best one from yesterday´s market was the woman who had been told that, in order to empty her DC, she has to stick her forefinger through the hole and keep it there for 30 minutes.

I just got this vivid picture of lots of Nuagers running around with dreamcatchers stuck to their forefingers....;D

Annika

Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on March 25, 2005, 03:19:03 pm
Around here, the number one power animal is the pit bull. Esp in the poorer neighborhoods, it's a cheap burglar deterrent.

More:

"Accepting"- 1) Believing what anyone says, no matter how offensive, racist, abusive, or exploitative. 2) Allowing anything, no matter how offensive, racist, abusive, or exploitative.

"Metis"- When a Nuager claims some kind of distant Indian ancestry, but doesn't want to be around actual Indians because he knows his Nuage ways won't be accepted.

And of course I'll need to include a footnote explaining who the actual Metis are.

"Part Apache"- A claim made usually by very fair skinned, fair haired Anglos whose families never lived anywhere near the Southwest. See Penny McKelvey/"Oshinnah Fastwolf".

"Sacred Sex"- The Nuage way of appeasing guilt over sex by charging gullible people money to do it in the context of a ceremony of dubious origin. Usuallly includes less socially accepted sexual practices like homsexuality/bisexuality, self-sodomy/wanking, and downright deviant practices like chickenhawking/pedophilia.

"Twinkie"- If a Nuager is offended by this humorous mildly teasing term being used to describe them, chances are they ARE a Twinkie.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 25, 2005, 04:11:16 pm
Quote
"We have a Cherokee princess in the family too but we don't like to talk about him".


*snort*

Where's Mibby? I bet he's got some gems.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 25, 2005, 04:16:42 pm
Following on from Annika's suggestions:

Nuagespeak: 'Me'.
Plain English: the centre of the universe.

Nuagespeak: 'Respect'.
Plain English: this word has two meanings in Nuagespeak.
     1. Idealising Indians and other 'primitive' people, which as Alice Beck Kehoe points out , "... is no less dehumanizing and disrespectful than demonizing them as bloodthirsty savages' (Kehoe, 'Shamans and Religion', p. 102. See 'Shamanic Journey' for full citation).
     2. Subservient, non-critical attitude to nuagers' appropriation of Indian spiritual practices. For example: 'I had hoped we could have a respectful conversation.'
This means: 'You disagreed with me and I cannot tolerate that. I will remain in this huffy state until you back down. If you continue to disagree with me I will throw an almighty hissy-fit.'
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: vikinglady on March 25, 2005, 07:01:55 pm
*Exactly* what I tried to say....:D

THANKS, Barnaby!  

Annika

Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: JosephSWM on March 26, 2005, 04:48:58 am
"All My Relations". You can hear nuagers yell this at times. It means "Let me out of here, its too hot" and the reply should be "Hey, I haven't even poured the water yet".

Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 26, 2005, 11:52:03 am
Nuagespeak: 'Non-Ordinary reality'. Term coined by Michael Harner, anthropologist turned snake-oil salesman, for the world of spirits that students of his 'core shamanism' suppposedly learn to travel in.

Plain English: A spiritual version of Disneyland: expensive, cheesy, populated by cartoon creatures (see 'Power Animal'). Unlike at the real Disneyland, the men who conduct tourists around the Non-Ordinary reality are allowed facial hair.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on March 26, 2005, 02:53:51 pm
Thanks everyone. I'll be sure to send around an email with a full list for everyone who contributed, or just wants one.

And they just keep on coming:

“Adopted Lakota???- 1) A Nuage leader claiming to be a shaman and selling dubious ceremonies for profit because he saw a sweatlodge once, or briefly spoke to an actual Lakota elder who felt sorry for him being so spiritually lost. 2) A person who repays the kindness of an actual Lakota elder who felt sorry for them being so spiritually lost by claiming to be a shaman and selling dubious ceremonies for profit.
Note: May soon outnumber actual Lakotas.

“Spiritual Tourism???- When Nuagers travel to Latin America to pay large sums of cash for dubious ceremonies because: A) They’ve seen American Indians do things like drive cars and use computers, and they want a fantasy of Indians as still living in the past. B) Native protests of pseudo-shamans in the US spoil the fantasy for them. C) They know even less about Latin American Indians than they do about the ones at home, so nonsense like “Four Agreements??? or “Cosmic Convergence??? seems believable to them. D) They are unable to tell the difference between a mestizo and an Indian. Or E) All of the above.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: vikinglady on March 26, 2005, 03:16:20 pm
I just remembered the comments I usually get when I am out talking to Nuagers. Some of the most common ones are:

Before the lecture (and this happens eeeevery time!)
"There is an Indian standing next to you/behind you" (Could I pleaseeee have a Samiii - just once?!)
Meaning: You might know a lot about Ndn:s but I am much more spiritual than you because I see things!

After the lecture:
"The Indian is gone!"
Meaning: You scared him off by what you said.
Real meaning: What you said sucks, but I am too much of a coward to take that discussion with you, so I might make you shut up by telling you  that the spirits are angry!

"You must have been to the wrong tribe!"
(There are good and bad tribes....)

"Maybe you haven´t met a *real* Indian!"
Real Indian = Native person who exploits Nuagers by exploiting his culture.

"How can you say that Ndn:s don´t have shamans when my medium/shaman told me I was the head shaman in my past lives?"
Meaning: Not only am I the centre of universe in *this* life - I was also the centre in all my *past* lives!

"I want to marry an Indian - do you know of anyone?"
Meaning: I desperately need to boost my ego by using another person as merchandise or as an object to show off to my friends.

"I want to have a child with an Indian, he doesn´t have to stick around because the welfare will take care of us...!"  Meaning: I want to use my child as an object.

"Don´t they want us to be happy??"
Meaning: Happiness = being able to steal, violate, appropriate and damage sacred objects and rituals without anyone telling me off.

"Why do they want to keep everything to themselves?"
Meaning: We have taken almost everything they had in the past, why can´t we take the rest??

"They have the knowledge to save us, then why don´t they share?"
Meaning 1) All Ndn:s have some kind of secret formula that they are hiding from us.  2) If I get the "secret formula" I can use it myself and become rich and famous.


Go ahead, Barnaby - you can make this twice as funny....:)

Annika


Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 26, 2005, 03:25:41 pm
Quote
Go ahead, Barnaby - you can make this twice as funny....:)


I don't think anyone could make 'The Indian is gone!' any funnier. Now you know what to expect, Al.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on March 26, 2005, 05:11:42 pm
Nuagespeak: 'Love'.
In the simplistic psychology of the new age, there are only two emotions: love and fear (see below). It's very important for newagers to maintain at all times the perception that their actions are motivated by 'love' - usually 'unconditional love for all beings'. Their often-egregious failure to live up to these lofty heights never prevents them from demanding that critics show them unconditional love.

Nuagespeak: 'Fear'.
Generally, any speech or action which causes a newager to feel fear (of ridicule, say) will be attributed to fear in the person speaking or acting. For example, 'You're just acting out of fear-consciousness!' means 'Shitshitshithohshit they're on to me!'
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: 180IQ on March 26, 2005, 09:03:59 pm
Barnaby, please check your private forum message box.

Thanks!
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on April 02, 2005, 01:36:49 am
From someone on the Freedom of Mind list. An  ex-Scientologist who saw a lot in coomon between Nuagespeak and Scientologyspeak:

-----

Here is a website that has some
Scientology redefinitions of words, along those same lines:

http://www.antisectes.net/funny-defs.htm

And here's another one I've encountered in discussions with nuagers:

Verbal abuse: Any challenge, questioning, or criticism to what someone has alleged. No matter how tactfully and politely it was made, any criticism always gets taken personally by these ultra
sensitive souls.

And a phrase that's become very popular on internet discussions: "You're suppressing my freedom of speech. I have the right to my
beliefs. People are afraid to post here because of you." [said by the nuager or alt med proponent whenever their claims get challenged or
any less than favorable response is made to their postings, implying that the challenge/disagreement is somehow interfering with the nuager's "rights" to free speech. Debate is a very frightening thing
to these sensitive souls.]

Another popular phrase: "You must be working for the drug companies [or big pharma]" in
response to any challenge that is made to claims being made by altmed proponents about their "natural" products. This one might have
started with the Scientologists, but has quickly spread to the altmed community as a whole.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on April 02, 2005, 09:30:51 am
"How to talk New Age"

http://www.well.com/user/mick/newagept.html

Quote
SHIRLEY MACLAINE is a New Age Person. Shirley discovered that there are other realities. In one of these realities she is a teacher who fills huge auditoriums with people willing to pay much money to learn how to become a New Age Person.
In that same reality she also sells New Age Books, sells New Age TV programs, and has a center where she can sell New Age courses.
Shirley thinks reality is pretty neat. At least the one she's in.
Yours may be different.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on May 03, 2008, 10:58:48 am
Newagespeak: 'Warm regards'

Plain English: 'F*** you!'

Often used by exploiters when signing emails.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Cetan on May 06, 2008, 12:08:04 am
"love offering" - nuage for I am charging for this and you had better not question it
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Kevin on June 20, 2008, 12:52:37 pm
-what an awesome display of talent and creativity! - absolutely hilarious!
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Spaewife on July 06, 2008, 02:54:21 am
donations to leader, workshop, teacher, guru...etc...

Yes you are donating but we will set the price that has to be donated so you don't have to hurt your brain about what is enough or not enough or whether its, a actual donation or if we are just scamming you.  And we can tell te irs it was a gift rather than having to declare it as income. 

Balance
To stay perfectly balanced means you don't get angry or sad or happy or joyful.   We just aren't going to tell you that to be perfectly balanced you have to be dead, so we can keep bringing you back for conditioning to  help you with your balance problems and keep your checking or bank acct in our pocket.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Barnaby_McEwan on August 10, 2008, 10:50:31 pm
Newagespeak: 'time is just an energy/illusion'.

Plain English: 'I may be fifteen minutes late, or fifteen hours, as I see fit. You should consider it a privilege to wait until I deign to appear. Your life is nothing to me: what would you be doing with it instead? Earning a living? Eating? Sleeping? Oh, how basely unspiritual.'

Note: people who like to say that time is just an energy never turn up early for anything, unless there is free food, drink or drugs.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: CosmicOppossum on August 20, 2008, 09:57:24 pm
Metis is a real and valid identity. The Metis Nation is recognized in Canada.  Louis Riel led a rebellion in the 1880's to secure rights for his French speaking Metis people. His people were a mixture of NDN (can't recall which Nation) and French. 
    There is a language called Bungee which is a Canadian language, nearly extinct now,
that is a mixture of Cree and Scots Gaelic. They are considered to be Metis as well and are equally proud of both parts of their heritage. They are emphatically NOT nuagers.
     I use the term RidgeRunner for myself which implies a mixed blood person. If your mixed blood, there is nothing wrong with saying the truth, Cherokee Princesses not withstanding.

     
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Kevin on August 21, 2008, 04:12:03 pm
I'm trying real hard to live up to my moniker Dances With Badgers but it's hard, I may have to get off the good ol' red road for a while and take up being an Indian later in life.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on May 02, 2011, 08:12:49 am
I only just discovered this wonderful thread but would like to add a few of my own from my experience of researching predators, fake psychics and pseudo-tantrics


You must rediscover your inner sensuality that is your birthright that society has stolen from you
= Your purpose in life is to have sex for money and give the money to me


Discovering your lost innocence
= getting nekkid and having an orgy with a bunch of hippies and predators


learning feminine refinement and mystery
= learning how to be a  prostitute


freedom
= enslavement


cultivating the harmonious development of indigo / crystal / star children
= ruthlessly exploiting (in terrible ways) adults and children with mental illnesses and learning disabilities


being open
= being compliant / suffering from Stockholm Syndrome


providing information to help numerologists and wise men to help find your perfect love partner
= providing information to help us empty your bank account


providing photos of you in a bikini (or even nude) so our guru can properly observe your aura
= providing photos so we can decide which aspect of the sex industry in which to best exploit you for optimal financial reward


learning the art of being a woman
= learning how to be a sex worker


discover your inner goddess
= discover your inner prostitute


karma
= why you should not complain when we abuse you in every imaginable way or when the herbal remedies we recommend for your cancer are ineffective.  You obviously did bad stuff in a past life so you deserve all the suffering get in this one.


friends and family
= the evil influences that try to deny you your true destiny as one of us


obligations to your husband / wife and children
= insignificant things that threaten to distract you from your true spirchul path


nudity is not required at this workshop
= most people, if not all, at the workshop will be naked


at this workshop you will be supported to challenge your boundaries / societal conditioning / inhibitions
= at this workshop you will be pressurised to have sex with strangers


there will be no sexual intercourse at this workshop
= all kinds of sexual things will go on at this workshop with the possible exception of "ordinary" sex (only possible though, pretty much anything could happen)


we are happy to refund you in full if the workshop does not meet your needs but we only ask they you complete the workshop and give it a chance to work before asking for a refund.
= in order to get your refund you have to have sex with strangers.  No sex = no refund.


special initiations to burn bad karma
= molesting / raping the gullible and telling them that it is for their own good


rituals for dying well
= we will be at your deathbed soliciting for donations.  How will you go to heaven / get a good reincarnation if you left all your worldly goods to your family instead of to your beloved spiritual guru? eh?


integrity
= a complete lack of morality


quantum reality
= pseudo-scientific BS, basically meaning unreality


renouncing materialism and devoting yourself to spiritual life on an ashram while devoted to your guru
= giving me all your money (and your passport) and working 16+ hours a day on a construction site / kitchen / brothel and doing whatever I tell you to without question
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on May 04, 2011, 10:46:50 am
We are all one / we are one family of earth
= racism does not matter, genocide never happened and all your ceremonies belong to us


negative people will always try to attack those who have a genuine spiritual message
= don't listen to those pesky injuns, they're just bitter and twisted about some minor stuff that happened years ago. 


I have a vision, a dream, of a sacred community where we all live peacefully as one, working together for the common good
= donations of money and property accepted to fund my Stalinist mini-state / work camp, where I live in a luxury condo and you toil in misery in a ditch

Initiating adolescents into the richness and beauty of sexuality, away from the toxic influences of society
= child molestation
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: KrazyKraut on May 05, 2011, 05:51:41 pm
This would be funny if it were not true...
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: E.P. Grondine on May 11, 2011, 05:27:48 pm
I would like to remind everyone that copies of my biography of nuage cult leader Richard Kieninger are available by PM'ing me.

It was all funny, until the bodies started piling up.

Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on January 13, 2012, 11:36:17 am
Just a few more with regard to newage "tantra"

Please note that the words used here may have authentic meanings within authentic spiritual / therapeutic traditions.  The dictionary terms here refer to newage speak.

Euphemisms for a female sex worker:
Dakini
Shakti
Goddess
Priestess

Euphemisms for male sex workers
Daka

Gender free euphemisms for sex workers
Tantric masseur
Tantric engineer
Tantrika
Intimacy Coach
Sexological bodyworker
Neo-Reichian bodyworker
Love coach
Sex coach
Sacred sexual healer
Shamanic sexual healer
Tantric healer
 

newage speak for sexual activities and themes


yoni - female genitals

lingam - male genital

jade wand - male genital

wand of light - male genital

sacred union - sexual intercourse

Worshipping at the gates of the temple - performing oral sex on a female

sacred spot massage - prostate massage


donation - money paid for sexual services

tribute - money paid for sexual services

Typical names for organisations that groom and recruit young women for exploitation within the sex industry (with a spirchul / newage brand)

Schools of:
Tantra
Awakening
Goddesses
Temple Arts
Feminine Arts
Womanly Arts
Goddess Arts
Geisha Arts
Bedroom Arts
Courtesan Arts
Aphrodite
Venus
Priestesses
Devadasi


Initiation - euphemism for a cult leader / senior member or guru having sex with vulnerable / brainwashed women - usually to confer magical skills or to burn bad karma or purify the body of bad spirits / bad energy. 


Just one more newage translation:


Our esoteric school honours women's empowerment and celebrates the return of the Goddess through our reclamation of the ancient traditions of sacred sexual healing

translation - We brainwash women and girls and pimp them out as sex workers.  We don't care about  the women or any "Goddess" and we sleep very well at night, thank you very much, usually on a big bed stuffed full of money.



Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Defend the Sacred on January 13, 2012, 07:40:41 pm
Yes, the terminology they have stolen, vs made up, has very real meanings in non-nuage cultures. That's what's so offensive. Some people may be looking for authentic spiritual experience and fall for this stuff due to the stolen and twisted terminology, and the complete fabrication of "ancient" traditions that never existed.

Some of these groups are making inroads in hippie and Neopagan communities. Recruiters find attractive young women with no money and few inhibitions (and sometimes, severely damaged or nonexistent boundaries) and convince them that they will feel spiritually fulfilled by letting themselves be pimped out. It's a horrific perversion of the actual traditions the pimps steal their terminology from.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on January 14, 2012, 10:16:47 am
Yes, the terminology they have stolen, vs made up, has very real meanings in non-nuage cultures. That's what's so offensive. Some people may be looking for authentic spiritual experience and fall for this stuff due to the stolen and twisted terminology, and the complete fabrication of "ancient" traditions that never existed.

yup.
The ironic thing is that these racist, misogynist, cultural appropriators paint themselves as supporters of women's rights and protectors of the rights and traditions of tribal peoples.  In reality they are simply abusing and exploiting as many people as they can as if they were livestock rather then human beings.

Some of these groups are making inroads in hippie and Neopagan communities. Recruiters find attractive young women with no money and few inhibitions (and sometimes, severely damaged or nonexistent boundaries) and convince them that they will feel spiritually fulfilled by letting themselves be pimped out. It's a horrific perversion of the actual traditions the pimps steal their terminology from.

yes it is a horrific situation.
Recently the pimps and traffickers have been recruiting feminists to their cause, including some very long established 80s style feminist groups who spend all day campaigning to ban porn and prostitution and to criminalise paying for sex.  At least one of these recent converts belongs to a feminist network that in involved in providing services to trafficked women (or at least they did before they lost their funding).  The traffickers have managed this simply via their infiltration of "wimmin only" Goddess spirituality groups. - edited to add- sorry this was a bit simplistic - the infiltrations was partly via wimmins Goddess groups, partly via kundalini yoga classes (of the yogi Bhajan related cults ) and partly via Osho groups.  The Osho thing needs more coverage and exposure.  Back in the late 1980s people who were interested in the subject knew about the corruption, enslavement, prostitution, drug trafficking, bio-terrorism, attempted (and probably actual) murders that were activities of the Rajneeshis.  Nowadays it is as if none of that ever happened and all kinds of people think that Osho was some kind of enlightened master.  Perhaps the younger generation were not around at the time that all the criminal activities were in the news? Certainly older people have selective memories.  Such as shame as so many principled people are being duped.

If some misogynist, racist, extremist right wing megalomaniac decided to subvert and discredit the opposition he couldn't have done it in a more effective way.


Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: czech on January 17, 2012, 08:23:41 am
Perhaps some of you might enjoy this video Shit New Age Guys Say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2S75ZQJTzY
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on January 18, 2012, 08:51:53 am
LOL

excellent thanks for sharing :)
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: E.P. Grondine on January 28, 2012, 03:22:28 am
judgmental = showing any sense at all; pointing out any contradictions in what a speaker says
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: nemesis on January 28, 2012, 05:38:06 pm
Gossip / calumny / slander = descriptions for the words of anyone who dares to question the integrity of the guru / leader

Evil, jealous people possessed by demonic forces = people who have left a newage cult and criticised it openly to existing members

Negativity = any attitude other then unquestioning faith and belief in the guru / master

Ancient esoteric traditions adapted to the life of the modern man / woman = some old nonsense we cobbled together out of appropriated ceremonies combined with our guru's depraved sexual fantasies with an added sprinkling of d NLP / chanting / hypnotism / (inset dodgy therapeutic modality here) for good measure.

 
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: catbus on May 30, 2013, 05:25:15 pm
Mid-Life Crisis -

usually the turning point when a new age fraud begins taking an interest in 'spiritual' matters and traditions.

ie. "I spent the first half of my life as a typical product of the consumer-culture, buying into the consumerist and colonialist values of the dominant demographic. Then suddenly, I decided to become all 'spiritual'. That is when I decided to invade the world of spiritual traditions by redirecting the 'energies' of my capitalistic, colonialistic and consumerist mindset."
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Odelle on June 18, 2013, 10:54:50 pm
Ooh! This is fun. Let me try:

"secret": some $**** I made up.
"process": Half-a$$ed plan.
"holistic": sloppy
"ceremony": expensive costume show. Comes in two flavors: ridiculous or racist, but since you're feeling greedy anyway, why not go for swirl: ridiculous AND racist.
"jealous": sane and wise to my bs. As in, my critics are just "jealous".
"ancient": dates all the way back to the 1960's!
"wisdom": A bunch of Nuage words strung into a sentence. Garbage in=garbage out.
"teacher": imaginary friend OR some fraud who's more famous than me.
"Cherokee": The only Indian nation I can actually name.
"Lakota": I'm totally legit! I can name more than one nation.
"Hopi": I live in the Southwest and like to keep my stealing, I mean, sacred secret ancient wisdom-learning, local.
"Tantra": I'm doing this to get laid--from people who are paying me!
"Spirit guide": I waited in line at Starbucks behind this lady with a giant toucan pin on her shirt, so now you're spirit guide is the toucan. 400$, please.
"Karma": My "teachers" are a real cosmopolitan bunch.
"Kirtan": Asia India, American India: it's all Indian "ceremony", am I right? 400$, please.
"tradition": all of the above, wrapped in an expensive little package, just for you, brave warrior!
"descendant": I actually don't know what this means, but I've noticed it shows up a lot in some fakes advertising about themselves: Michael Runswithfrauds, Hopi Tibetan Ceremony Teacher. Come smoke a peace pipe and develop your powers of tantric karmic wisdom from a real-life Cherokee descendant. I once attended a teaching by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, so I'm a wisdom-bearer for that tradition, too! I heard of the Dawes Roll--so you know I'm legit!
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Otter3 on June 19, 2013, 06:47:49 pm
So true! 
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: catbus on June 19, 2013, 11:35:45 pm
I love this list, it keeps getting better.

As funny as it is, I have found it this list has been useful when confronting frauds about their fraudulent traditions. Everyone I have shown it to so far gets a laugh out of it. I really hope NAFPS will have it's own print publications some day, a Nuage-to-Plainspeak handbook being the first, lol.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: debbieredbear on June 20, 2013, 01:11:02 am
The one that gets me and grates my nerves:

    "Co-create": Usually used in the sentence "We co-create our own reality."

I have no clue what it means. Besides being nuage babbledygook.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: mark747eagle on June 25, 2014, 02:40:00 pm
As a white European with no (known) NDN ancestry, (although the snobby parasites in the UK thought my grandma from Canada would be wearing buckskin and feathers when she got off the boat in 1914)  I am really sad this topic ended so soon.  It really shows a lot of us up for what we are.   And it made me laugh so much.  Finally found where all the real humour was hiding in the USA.  Irony is not the adjective of iron....... If the fat white middle classes where're so stupid, the plastic shamans would not have anyone to sell to.  And yeah I was one of those stupid people for a while.  But my family have risen from the English middle class to become working class - ie we do stuff now.  So at least we're worth the air we occupy I guess.

As they say - there's no cure for stupid.  But duck tape muffles the sound.  :-)
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on June 25, 2014, 10:00:18 pm
I think it'd be good to self publish this at Lulu and Smashwords. It'd have to be given away for free. So many contributors, some who haven't been here in awhile and no way to contact for any share of any profit.

Plus giving it away means it will reach many more people and will also remove any criticism we might be looking to profit somehow. Once I post the links to it, feel free to repost anywhere, esp on sites that give away ebooks for free.

Lulu also has a print on demand feature for people who want a hardcopy version.

I can write an intro, and anyone else wanting to add comments to be included, go ahead and do so in this thread.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: mark747eagle on June 26, 2014, 10:51:06 am
As if there wasn't already a rich vein of stupidity, you could harvest some more from here:


http://www.snakelyone.com/12stepglossary.htm  (http://www.snakelyone.com/12stepglossary.htm)

This is my favourite.

Hopi Prophecy (n): The Native American apocalyptic prediction that gives New Agers an excuse not to vote.

As an ex  nuager (though not a radical!) I am happy to provide more if you don't have enough already!  :-)
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on June 27, 2014, 04:03:52 am
Here's the intro. Any suggestions for how to change it? Anything left out? Maybe someone funnier than me should take a shot at it...

------
Introduction

   Nuage = New Age. It is pronounced noo-ij, rhymes with sewage.
   Many Natives and critics of Nuage use the word to puncture the pompousness and pretentiousness of a movement that would call itself “THE NEW AGE.” (Copyright likely pending. No matter how sooper spirchul Nuagers pose as, they are very dedicated to protecting their profit margin.) There is very little of Nuage and Nuagers that is not worthy of being laughed at and mocked, except for the tremendous pain they cause and the enormous number of falsehoods they have spread.

   If you've ever wondered what the heck Nuage people are talking about, this guide is for you. You see, Nuage people don't mean the same things when they use the English words everyone else uses. That's why a guide is needed, even and especially a humorous one.
   Sometimes a lie is best fought by facts and reason, pointing out patiently with evidence where someone is wrong. And sometimes certain people are so wrapped up in their delusions, the best way to deal with them is to laugh.
   Laugh because they have become so far gone, it may take laughter to shock them out of it. Laugh because it's the only way of telling them just how foolish they look to everyone else. Laugh because their irrationality and lack of a grasp of reality or even the most basic common sense doesn't deserve a reasoned answer. Nuage does a lot of damage and is filled with lies. But it is also damned silly, and deserves to be mocked for its silliness.
   Sometimes you also have to laugh to keep your sanity, to deal with absurdity by laughing without mercy or pity. Let us all laugh at Nuagers and mock them until the whole world sees that these fools who imagine themselves the next medicine man or guru or even would be messiahs with Jesus and God and Buddha complexes are more PT Barnum than pious men.
   The Nuage movement is not made up of new religions, nor more evolved versions of old ones. This is a purely consumer driven phenomena. These are little abusive cults posing as American Indian traditions and Buddhism or Hinduism or Taoism to people who could not tell Gandhi from Geronimo. They are so ignorant that, among other obvious wrongs, they imagine American Indians believe in reincarnation. (That's the wrong kind of Indian, buddy.)
   Nuagers are so clueless about indigenous people that some have fallen for:

   A red haired Irishman who claimed to be a Mayan. (Harley Reagan, who also was a white racist preparing his militia for a race war against Latinos.)
   A Black Muslim who claims American Indians are really Chinese imposters and that Blacks are not African and that there never was a slave trade. (Dwight York, who also claims to be a space alien.)
   A Peruvian who posed as Brazilian and then sold Hindu and Taoist beliefs to hippies, pretending that faux-Buddhism and faux-Taoism were ancient Aztec and Yaqui Indian beliefs. (Carlos Castaneda, who remains a best seller though he was debunked 30 years ago. He later became a prisoner of his inner circle, who themselves committed suicide when he died.)

   It seems easy enough to mock anyone who falls for these frankly idiotic delusions posing as serious new religious beliefs. And that this little dictionary shall do, without letting up. One thing American Indians have learned to do is to use humor as a coping mechanism to deal with all the pain of a horrific history. Much like Jews, Natives have (to an outsider's ear) a surprisingly good sense of humor* for a people who have survived genocide. 
   This dictionary and phrasebook is a collection of American Indians joking about Nuage nonsense. It's the best way of coping with having to deal with the fallout of all the damage their falsehoods have spread.
   Of course the people harmed just as much by the Nuage movement as Native people (and Hindus, Buddhists, Taoists, and the other beliefs distorted, misrepresented, and bastardized by commercialization) are Nuage people themselves. Nuagers have often been abused, ripped off by charlatans posing as Native or Eastern religion teachers, and sometimes sexually abused.
   Even when exploiters don't take a lot of their money, control their lives as part of a cult, or rape them under the guise of it being a religious ceremony, former Nuagers come out of that movement with years or decades of their very sincere lifelong spiritual quest wasted on falsehoods. Many of these definitions were written by former Nuagers who have every right to be angry, since they are much poorer for their experience, and often suffering psychological or sexual trauma.
   Laughter is the best medicine, as the old saying goes. Native people know that. Former Nuage survivors know that now too. This dictionary lets us all laugh at Nuage foolishness and hopefully warn away those who might be tempted or curious about Native traditions or Eastern religions and would rather try to buy quick enlightenment with a $3,000 weekend seminar or a cheesy $19.95 book instead of doing a lifetime of hard study and introspection.

   For those who want to do the hard study, the final section has more sources recommended for further reading. For the rest, let's just laugh at those sheltered very wealthy and upper middle class suburbanites who make up the Nuage movement, with too much money and not enough sense.

   Enjoy, and spread the word. This little dictionary or guidebook is completely free. Share it with others, repost it, quote it, cut and past the whole thing if you like. There was never any thought of profit or personal gain by us.
   You see, unlike Nuagers, and especially unlike the exploiters and imposters who pose as sooper spirchul leaders by falsely claiming to be Chief Stereotyped Silly Name of the Tribe of the Imaginary, Believed in Only by the Unfortunately Clueless...
   We at NAFPS have always done everything for free, and simply because it is the right thing to do and needed to be done.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: mark747eagle on June 27, 2014, 10:12:23 am
For clarity and also to add a bit of facetiousness I'd ad to para 2:

 That's why a guide is needed (i.e. not a spirit guide)

In case any nuagers can actually read.......
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: educatedindian on June 28, 2014, 10:34:38 pm
It is now published for free at Smashwords. I did publish it on my account, but included everyone's name who contributed.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/452947

It's from 39 to 51 pages depending on which format you download. Anyone can download it for free, cut and paste, quote, post the link anywhere they choose. If you know of sites that give away free ebooks, feel free to post it there. I probably will do the same when I get a little free time.

ETA: Three dozen downloads in only day. Not a bad start.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Defend the Sacred on June 29, 2014, 04:41:56 pm
Thank you for doing this, Al!
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: used2bnaf on July 17, 2014, 06:49:19 pm
I hope spirit name made the list.

Nuage definition: the name that the spirits know you as.  Such as Soaring Eagle Fire Fox or Rainbow Summer Deer Heart.

Plain speak: a bullshit psychological hug that was made up by a white guy and probably cost money to get.
Title: Re: Nuagespeak to Plain English Dictionary
Post by: Xochi on September 05, 2018, 08:32:59 pm
We are One ... meaning it sounds and looks good until you ask to use my ride or borrow money. Lol