Author Topic: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers  (Read 73637 times)

Offline Defend the Sacred

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3472
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2013, 10:28:11 pm »
This brief article nails it. I'm unfamiliar with the author, but it's spot-on. I'm going to copy it here it case it disappears from HuffPo.*

10 Signs Your Man Is A Psychopath

Written by Kiri Blakeley on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir .

Are you in a relationship with a psychopath? You might think that's something you'd know right away by the red tint of evil in the person's eyes, the swastika tat on the forehead, or the insistence on discussing serial killers over dinner. But nope! Psychopaths can be extremely charming and come across like Prince Charming at first. So unless you know the signs, you'd probably get sucked into the life of a psychopath and not know who he or she really was until you are completely sucker punched. Here are 10 signs you should look out for to quickly identify a psychopath.

1. Flattery like you've never heard before. Psychopaths move extremely quickly. On the first date, he'll probably tell you that you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and uproariously witty. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you have. If you think you're fat, he will tell you how much he loves your body. If you think you're shy, he will laugh at every lame attempt at a joke and tell you you should have been a comedian. This is called "love bombing." It's the idealization phase he gets you hooked on, and it's the phase you will spend the next however-many months or years trying to get back once he abruptly shuts it off.

2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will try to convince you that you are soul mates, just alike. He loves all the things you and and you have all of the same interests. If you had a tough childhood, he will say something like, "We both had it rough. That's why we understand each other." If there's an obscure book you love, he will make sure he loves it too. What he's doing is called "mirroring." He has no real identity, so he sucks yours up and mirrors it back to you.

3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to what a psychopath says on the first few dates about his exes and other people in his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob him blind? Is his mother controlling and horrible? Does he seem like he's had a tough time with people, who always use and abandon him? Whatever he says about the other people in his life is pretty much exactly what he'll be saying about you at some point, so listen carefully.

4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths absolutely love pity, so pay attention to how many illnesses and injuries he's had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but it could come back at any minute? Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? (But strangely is okay for the third date?) Did he lose his first wife in a car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and seems fine)? Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find any record of any of his traumas.

5. Great sex. Everyone wants great sex, but those who have been with a psychopath often say it's the best thing they've ever experienced. A psychopath goes out of his way to please you. It's just another way of getting you hooked. Once he has you hooked, you'll find yourself begging for sex because he suddenly won't want it anymore.

6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath will sometimes blurt out something odd about himself, apropos of nothing. Like you might be cooking dinner and suddenly he blurts, "I'm crazy you know." Or "I'm cheating on you." He will then either deny he said it or play it off as a joke. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an unconscious slip of the mask of his persona.

7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet. In reality, he is off sizing up his next target somewhere.

8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants him, so you better be on your best behavior, or he will move on to one of his adoring fans.

9. Discard. The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After he sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, he will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to him. He will usually move on to another target at this point.

10. "Hoovering." Although a psychopath will discard you, he doesn't quite want you moving on either. If he senses you are done with him, he will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. He will try to "Hoover" (named after the vacuum cleaning company) you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on his absolute best behavior. It's all an act so he can get you back into the fold.

The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to completely go no contact. It's the only thing that doesn't fuel his games and ego. He will make that difficult for you -- some psychopaths will stalk you, most will Hoover. But to engage him in any way, even just to tell him off, only leaves you open to more mind games, which he will win, because he has no feelings. (Those who have children with psychopaths must develop low contact, and keep in touch only as much as absolutely needed as regards the children.)

Of course, nobody is perfect, and some people are just immature and go through periods of giving the silent treatment, or "devaluing" you with critical comments. Other people may triangulate to create jealousy because they're insecure or bored or don't even quite realize they're doing it. There are also plenty of garden-variety jerks out there who will engage in a lot of "psychopathic" behavior without being clinical psychopaths. But if your lover engages in much or all of this behavior, then he or she is likely psychopathic, and you should run for the hills!

*Our site is not for profit, so I think it's within fair use to copy this here. I don't usually do this, but this is important.

Offline mark747eagle

  • Posts: 13
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2014, 09:51:53 am »
Not related to false shamans, but I had direct experience of this as a small child over many years.  Paedophiles operate in much the same way.  But they also groom families.  This could save so many from a fate almost worse than death.  Thank you.  No pity required BTW.  I am strong and I survived eight years of it.  Now nothing much can break me, but I still have my heart and soul intact.
White. Not a trace of any blood connection.  But I am here to learn how to mend the world we Europeans messed up.  Not to sell or benefit from what I learn.
We tread may paths, yet perhaps they all lead to the same destination.

Offline Sturmboe

  • Posts: 117
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #17 on: June 29, 2014, 04:17:10 pm »
I think there are frauds who are psychopath, but it seems to me the most got other personality problems.
I guess those frauds with personalitiy disorders can have histrionic and / or
narcissistic personality disorder, psychotic disorder in this combinations I can also imagine. But in the psychotic issue I would act with caution.

Offline Quimichipilli

  • Posts: 1
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #18 on: December 02, 2014, 05:05:09 am »
Tlazocamati for this article. I recently wrote a piece on the subject based off my personal experience in the  Los Angeles Indigenous community. I would like to use some of your great info to update my page if that's cool. Thanks again for the great and much needed insight and info.

Offline RedRightHand

  • Posts: 180
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2015, 09:23:30 pm »
Sometimes psychopaths get jobs with law enforcement. These predators particularly enjoy the cloak and dagger drama, risk and power of long-term undercover surveillance.

Here's one story of a man who did this to women:

Woman Finds Out Boyfriend of Six Years Is Undercover Cop Spying on Her and Her Friends
"I thought I knew him better than anyone."

By Rob Evans / The Guardian
November 21, 2015

"They established that he was... an undercover policeman who had been sent to spy on her circle of activist friends. For seven years, he had adopted a fake persona to infiltrate environmental groups. Their unmasking of him five years ago kickstarted a chain of events that has exposed one of the state’s most deeply concealed secrets.

"Back then, the public knew little about a covert operation that had been running since 1968. Only a limited number of senior police officers knew about it. [He] was one of more than 100 undercover officers who, over the previous four decades, had transformed themselves into fake campaigners for years at a time, assimilating themselves into political groups and hoovering up information about protests that they had helped to organise."

This particular story is about one agent who was exposed in the UK. But it has also happened, and is still happening, in the US, in NDN Country and in radical environmentalist groups, among others.

Offline moonchild

  • Posts: 8
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #20 on: March 15, 2016, 08:09:25 pm »
Does anyone have any suggestions as to where one would go for legal support in cases like these?  It bothers me that this can be done, and the perpetrator can often,  (I think), walk away unscathed, while the victim is left to pick up the pieces. Also, in my experience,  the person inflicting these injuries is also running a smear campaign behind the back if the victim, grooming even the victim's friends and family. Another forum I'm on refers to these groomed people as "flying monkeys." 

Offline moonchild

  • Posts: 8
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #21 on: March 15, 2016, 09:52:54 pm »
Btw,  RedRightHand,

I did repaste your link about the undercover cop on

I did attribute to you, but if you wish to look, I can send a p.m. with a link to my post, and make corrections to my attribution.


  • Guest
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2016, 07:36:03 pm »
I was psychologically and emotionally abused by a New Agey therapist for over a year and experienced exactly these traits.

When you come to understand the hallmark signs of a narcissist/psychopath (narcopath), they become easy to spot. They are not very original and use the same lines e.g. "you can trust me...", "I would never do anything to hurt you" followed by over the top praise and admiration in the beginning e.g. "you're very special", "I think you are amazing" , "we have a special connection", in order to win your trust. Once that trust is won by these manipulations, the mask eventually slips and you see another more sinister side of the person. This is where cognitive dissonance kicks in and you find yourself unable to make sense of what is happening to you or of who this person actually is. Most people then begin to blame themselves for the abuse.

Getting you to doubt yourself via shame, blame, guilt-trips, and manipulation are the narcopaths #1 M.O. Predators, whether they are the people we date, seek "healing" from in some professional capacity, or simply have to interact with, prefer targets who are vulnerable for the most part, but will also prey on anyone they feel they can get away with.

I will add to this list of red flags by saying that if you are dealing with ANYONE who when called upon their actions, immediately attempts to blame and shame YOU rather than take responsibility, you are dealing with a toxic narcissist and should immediately distance yourself from them. If you are in ANY kind of interaction with another human being that takes on the quality of a roller  coaster ride -- meaning up and down, up and down, depending upon the whims of the other person, you are dealing with a toxic narcissist and should also get out as soon as possible. Ditto anyone who tries to convince you that you are "unstable" "crazy" or not seeing things clearly whenever you attempt to hold them accountable for their outrageous actions.

Trust your instincts because they are there for a reason. Our bodies will give us signals when something and someone is not right for us. It is their for our protection. Learning to listen to those signals and not discount them will keep you safe.

What happened to me should never happen to anyone seeking healing. If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself an enormous amount of pain and suffering. Being betrayed  and abused by someone you should have been able to trust is one of the greatest betrayals we as human beings can ever experience or perpetrate on one another.

Always remember that those with dark intentions often come wrapped in facades of innocence and light. Trust your inner knowing.


  • Guest
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2016, 07:39:39 pm »
Just wanted to add that I am female and was abused by a female therapist. There is a great misconception in our culture that only men are psychopaths or abusers. Women are just as capable. In fact, some of the most dangerous narcissists/psychopaths I have known have been women not men.

Offline Xochi

  • Posts: 7
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2018, 04:45:10 am »
Nice compassionate information. Very helpful.

Offline RedRightHand

  • Posts: 180
Re: Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers
« Reply #25 on: December 26, 2018, 10:01:54 pm »
The victim-grooming described in these posts is textbook:
Read this survivor's account and note the red flags she sees in hindsight. She was conned by a skilled, dangerous predator. Her account is very familiar to those of us who've survived abuse by similar criminals.